There are different views on marriage along with different methods. There are arranged marriages and love matches, as they are called in India. Arranged marriages include the intelligence and safety features needed to help ensure happiness after the marriage, and this is sometimes lacking from the process of American weddings. Yet, unlike the American way, this Indian tradition focuses way too much on petty faults and the unwanted physical features of the person and his/her background being examined, and too little on the person’s mental features and the love, which is the stronghold of a good marriage. The ideal way to marry is to combine the best features of both the Indian way of arranged marriages and the American fast paced, "fall in love" way of marriages.
A lot of Americans marry a little bit too fast. They would date for a few months then marry, which may lead to a divorce. They marry because they fell in love and believed they were perfect for each other. But the couple doesn’t plan ahead thus risking damaging their relationship. Love is important, because it is what holds together a family and ensures the highest level of happiness for the couple, but unfortunately many people have forgotten what love truly is. Just because a person has dated someone for four years doesn’t mean they are the perfect match.
It must be remembered that this is the real world not a fairy-tale, so a little crush leading to a kiss won’t mean living happily ever after. There are bills to pay, jobs to keep, food to find and kids to take care of, protect, and teach how to survive in the world. Sadly, marriages can't survive on just love. A plan is needed ahead of time or else the couple won’t be able to take the problems any more and would want out by divorce.
When it comes to arranged marriages, the dating is done by the parents. In fact, the time it may take for parents to find a suitable match is just as long as an American would take to date. The difference is that the person who is getting married, is marrying a total stranger and is not being treated as an adult by being let to make his/her own decision. The person getting the arranged marriage is becoming too dependent on his/her parents, who won’t be around forever. Sure they can choose whether or not they marry their parents’ choice, but they can’t get to know the person until after they marry.
It is the person getting married, taking the next big step in his/her life, not that one person's parents, thus it should be his/her decision. These people who are getting married are becoming adults. They should be able to find their own spouse instead of being babied until after they are married. If the marriage fails, what are they suppose to do? Divorces happen to arranged marriages but not as much because it is greatly frowned upon by the family and friends of the divorced person even thou it was his/her parents who made the choice. If someone gets a bad match, let it be his/her own fault. The parents who worked hard enough to raise the person in the first place shouldn't get the chance to mess it up at the end. If the parents truly believe that they did a fine job raising their kids then they should trust them to pick for themselves.
Arranging one’s marriage includes a lot of criticism like the kind the arthur of Marriage in India found when she was trying to help a friend find a suitable wife for her brother: "she's too fat... wears glasses... is too short... is of poor status... is too independent for a woman... is too educated." (Marriage in India, paragraph 31-33)
“If I lived in India, I would never get married,” says the non-skinny writer of this essay as she pushes up her glasses while sitting by an advanced Math text book.
One’s marriage shouldn’t be based on physical features so deeply. How do the parents know if someone is not good enough for their kid? Just because he/she isn’t good enough for them doesn't mean he/she is bad for their son/daughter. Parents shouldn't care if someone is too good for their child. Normally, at least in America, that's considered to be a good thing, to have someone super to marry one's kid. It helps to know the family of the possible spouse because it can give you an idea on what the bachelor is like. But one must take into consideration that sometimes the apple does fall far from the tree. That’s where the American dating can help.
When people date they get to know the mental features of the person. Are they nice? Are they witty or just plain corny? Are they good with kids? Do they want kids? Do they have a temper? Do they actually care for me? If I was attacked would he/she run away or save me? Dating allows one to see if the person he/she found is to his/her liking. Parents don’t always know what their kids like. They would choose someone who can provide and take care of their kid, which is great but for many, that’s not enough. Who’s to say the kid doesn’t want adventure, or drama? Everyone is different. Everyone has their own taste.
The girl has it bad in India. In order to get married she must be pretty, smart, but not independent, like walking around town by herself. She must have fine features and come from a great background. Is someone trying to get married or are they looking for a pedigree dog? If something bad happened and these girls had to make it on their own, they’d be goners. They would either move back with their over protected parents or remarry. American girls can take care of themselves. If they ever lose their husbands, it won’t be the end of the world.
One should marry for love, not just nice physical features, good backgrounds or because his/her parents like the choice they found. They’re not the ones getting married. The one who wants to marry should grow up and make the decision his/herself, but the decision should not be based on love alone but instead on one's feelings and on how the possible choice is like. Also, a plan needs to be made ahead of time. The couple should prepare for the future, focus on the present, study the past and ensure that it’s a good choice they're making before they tie the knot. They shouldn’t rush it! That may lead to an unhappy ending. If one wants their parents help with making a choice then he/she should have them arranged a blind date. Blindness should not be part of the wedding.
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